New words for an old song From The Sound of Music's
A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS:
Maalox and nosedrops and needles for knitting',
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin's,
Bundles of magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
Then I remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food nor food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'.
And we won't mention our short
shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life that I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Submitted by Pete Norman
"STUFF" Submitted by Classmates for your edification...
Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become! And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up, they just repeat themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader? I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day & she has aged so much that she didn't
even recognize me. I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, & in doing so, I glanced at my own refection.
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REALLY NOW . . . even mirrors are not made the way they used to be! Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life & limb if you happen to pull onto the freeway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech & swerve in my rearview mirror. Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that
dial? HA!! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling? I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on . . but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phonebooks in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there! All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities. Submitted by Pam (Woodard) Hope
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench
sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I
have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and
then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground
coffee."
I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and
then makes love to me for half the afternoon".
I said, "Well, why are you crying?"
She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite
dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m.
I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"
She said, "I can't remember where I live!" (Submitted by Karen McManus Brown)
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, neither could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, " I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through. This time the passenger was almost sure the light had been red but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us." Mildred turned to her and said,
